These features or general principles I have mapped out are the most practical/sensible blueprints for a zombie apocalypse type of scenario.  Please study carefully and prepare yourself as need be in view of the fact that some of these events have already  begun to transpire.

He’s that dude.
The Chubby Chaser.

The one who hangs right outside the barbwire fence on the south-east side of the camp for corpulent young women. He’s out there all day eyeballing the Biggums as they saunter by on their daily jaunts about the undergrowth, taking pant after puff from his long rockets whilst the Boom-Box, plastic zip-tied  to the front of his ten-speed, thumps out Unskinny Bop by Poison in excess.

Outfitted with only an unzipped black leather jacket, a pair of teal “Sleep Away Camp” gym shorts, and a red, white and blue headband, he intermittently whistles at each rotund goddess that he deems laudable of a hand job and a hot tub. He knew he had an obsession early in life when he found himself jerking off to Pillsbury Doh-Boy commercials. Now-a-days, this is where he hangs- outside the camp enticing the “chosen” girls with Fun-Size Snickers bars in a reflection of delightful excellence. They call him the Snake Charmer.