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Well .. So, .. now that the Confederate flag has gone the way of the swastika it won’t be long until the Washington Redskins name and mascot are a tossed off the reservation for it being racist towards Native Americans. Yeah sure , I can see where folks may find it offensive. I get it.
So then lets say they change their name… What are they gonna change it to?  … Wait! does this now mean those hipster shit bird’s are no longer allowed to dress in Native American-esque clothing? No more wearing head dresses, feathers in their clothes and hair, no moccasins, stupid face paint , beaded head bands, no more getting drunk off of the fire water and shooting flaming arrows wildly into the air  and all that other shit that goes along with being “Native American”? Cool! I can get behind that.

Well while you’re at it I would like to put in a request to get rid of the name “Black Friday” Its stupid, very confusing and yes racist.  Also Eskimo Pies…. They taste like shit! Change the name to Shit Pies. Racist.  And Uncle Ben’s Rice?! Come on! Uncle Ben looks to similar to that creepy black asshole butler from Django Unchanged, I really think you should change the logo to something more friendly and less offensive.

Now I know what you are saying… “Well what about the Cleveland Indians?!  They are racist as hell, probably most racist!” Well, I disagree. If you remember the reason that Native Americans are called “Indians” in the first place is because when Christopher Columbus landed in America ( and he never even reached North America, he only ever really explored a hand full of islands in the Caribbean) he originally thought that he had actually reached India and stupidly started referring to the natives as “Indians”  then …. He killed them and took their land.

So what I propose is that the name “Indians” stay as a reminder of  this great country’s  beginnings, It’s blinding determination to get what it wants no matter who or what stands in its way,  the never ending string of crafty skulduggery that built this vast empire, A reminder of how it was accidentally stumbled upon, its indigenous people mistakenly yet cleverly named, exterminated but then generously given casino’s in conciliation. …. I believe the Cleveland Indians are truly America’s team.

I’m not saying anything, I’m just saying…

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At this point continuing to honor the Confederate flag is sorta like calming Die Hard 5 is a good movie just because its part of the Die Hard series. Sure , you want to like it because its fuckin’ Die Hard, It has explosions and machine guns and John McClane one liners but its called …Die Hard: A Good Day to Die Hard?.. It sounds like a name for gay porn for fuck sake.

In reality Die Hard 5 sucks balls, Its awful runny dog shit, It doesn’t make any god damn sense and it has nothing to do with the other Die Hard movies except that Bruce Willis is in it and his name happens to be John McClane.

Sure its fine to watch it if you’re sitting around getting drunk with your pals and it comes on tv, you can own 10 DVD copies of it if you want, you can get a tattoo on your back of all the characters from the movie banging each other in some sort of grotesque Die Harder orgy, you can even have Die Hard 5 reenactments in the parking lot of Buffalo Wild Wings every Wednesday night until the end of time but don’t you try to convince me that its equally as good of a flick as the other Die Hard films and it needs to be included in the Die Hard box set.

Im not saying anything … Im just saying.