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Well folks the election is over, Its been a little over a week since the stone cold stunner heard around the world. Donald J Trump has been elected the 45th president of the United States of America. Yes, that Donald J Trump. A reality television star with a Tribble for hair who was inducted into the WWE hall of fame. This election has has made a lot of people happy,  pissed a lot of people off and got some folks down right terrified. I admit it, the thought of this guy as president is a bit frighting considering the wackos he’s beginning to surround himself with, people he has already appointed to political offices and the insane policies he has ( or lack there of).    Now  I’m not gonna sit here and tell you Clinton would have been a better choice because I don’t think she would have been , I didn’t like either of them. I think both of them have more skeletons in their closets than ol’ Jeffy Dahmer and  H.H. Holmes combined.

This whole Election was fucking insane, down right bizarre. From the e-mails to the pussy grabbin’ to the health issues to the shit talking to the Sandars campaign hijacking to the racism to the campaign rally riots . WHAT THE FUCK! The last time I can recall that something this wacky happened was when Quayle didn’t know how to spell potato.

Watching all this bullshit unfold over the course of  the last  year I began to see changes occurring in the politics of this country, The political arena as mutated and  morphed into a whole other arena , one I’m somewhat familiar with, Thats right, I’m talking about the arena of professional wrestling. The appearance of Donald Trump onto the political scene is similar to the debut of Razor Ramon into the WWE, ” The bad guy is here” Weeks of cutting promos and vignette’s of him talking shit and telling everyone what a hard ass he is and how many people he is gonna destroy once he steps into the ring and then he shows up and makes good on his word but eventually some underdog like the 1 2 3 kid comes out of nowhere and kicks is ass. Lets face it gang,    The ” eat your vitamins and say your prayer’s” era of Hulkamaina has gone out with Obama and we are smack dab in the middle of the “attitude era” and the Monday night wars. WWE on one side and WCW on the other.

Don’t believe me? ok , go to youtube and look up the best of Ric Flair or The Million Dollar man Ted DiBiase promos.  Or better yet go look up the best of Scott Steiner. There you go… Donald J fucking Trump, The big poppa pump of politics. Instead of the “Stylin’, profilin’, limousine riding, jet flying, kiss-stealing, wheelin’ n’ dealin’ son of a gun” you get the  ” Racial profilin’ ,dealin’ n’ stealin’  jet flying , pussy grabbin’, spoiled brat.”

I know what you’re saying, ” D-Wrex, this is serious, Trump is a racist, fascist, xenophobic monster, our lives are at stake” and you’re right, they are but what most of you continually fail to realize is that just like in pro wrestling, these people don’t run the show, they ARE the show, here for you’re entertainment 24/7 and the show must go on. When you live in a reality TV world you get reality TV politics.

I know a lot of you are scared of what’s going to happen in the not too distant future and I’ll admit it, I’m a bit worried myself but I’m going to try and remain optimistic and hope for the best. Here’s a  Perfect analogy. In 1998, King of the Ring,  when Mankind stood atop the 20ft unforgiving steel structure known as Hell in a Cell in the clutches of the of the Undertaker, looking down at the crowd below you better believe he was scared, terrified as shit. And as Taker chucked him  off the top of the cage and onto the announce table 20ft below smashing it into smithereens everyone was terrified. And while Mankind laid there motionless as Jim Ross contentiously cackled ” he’s dead, the man’s dead, he’s killed him” everyone was terrified. Then as the medical staff wheeled out the gurney and they lifted Mankind onto it and began to wheel him back up the ramp and  the chant’s of “holy shit, holy shit”  subsided everyone got increasingly terrified and concerned for the safety of Mankind. And as they wheeled him up the ramp  Mankind began to stir, he began to show signs of life, he wasn’t finished. Mankind made his way back to the ring and ascended the steel structure to continue the fight and deliver the single greatest match in professional wrestling history. Mankind survived and I believe if we all work together we can too.

Lets just hope we don’t end up like Owen Hart.

But… You know me, I ain’t saying nothin’ , I’m just sayin’

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Well .. So, .. now that the Confederate flag has gone the way of the swastika it won’t be long until the Washington Redskins name and mascot are a tossed off the reservation for it being racist towards Native Americans. Yeah sure , I can see where folks may find it offensive. I get it.
So then lets say they change their name… What are they gonna change it to?  … Wait! does this now mean those hipster shit bird’s are no longer allowed to dress in Native American-esque clothing? No more wearing head dresses, feathers in their clothes and hair, no moccasins, stupid face paint , beaded head bands, no more getting drunk off of the fire water and shooting flaming arrows wildly into the air  and all that other shit that goes along with being “Native American”? Cool! I can get behind that.

Well while you’re at it I would like to put in a request to get rid of the name “Black Friday” Its stupid, very confusing and yes racist.  Also Eskimo Pies…. They taste like shit! Change the name to Shit Pies. Racist.  And Uncle Ben’s Rice?! Come on! Uncle Ben looks to similar to that creepy black asshole butler from Django Unchanged, I really think you should change the logo to something more friendly and less offensive.

Now I know what you are saying… “Well what about the Cleveland Indians?!  They are racist as hell, probably most racist!” Well, I disagree. If you remember the reason that Native Americans are called “Indians” in the first place is because when Christopher Columbus landed in America ( and he never even reached North America, he only ever really explored a hand full of islands in the Caribbean) he originally thought that he had actually reached India and stupidly started referring to the natives as “Indians”  then …. He killed them and took their land.

So what I propose is that the name “Indians” stay as a reminder of  this great country’s  beginnings, It’s blinding determination to get what it wants no matter who or what stands in its way,  the never ending string of crafty skulduggery that built this vast empire, A reminder of how it was accidentally stumbled upon, its indigenous people mistakenly yet cleverly named, exterminated but then generously given casino’s in conciliation. …. I believe the Cleveland Indians are truly America’s team.

I’m not saying anything, I’m just saying…

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At this point continuing to honor the Confederate flag is sorta like calming Die Hard 5 is a good movie just because its part of the Die Hard series. Sure , you want to like it because its fuckin’ Die Hard, It has explosions and machine guns and John McClane one liners but its called …Die Hard: A Good Day to Die Hard?.. It sounds like a name for gay porn for fuck sake.

In reality Die Hard 5 sucks balls, Its awful runny dog shit, It doesn’t make any god damn sense and it has nothing to do with the other Die Hard movies except that Bruce Willis is in it and his name happens to be John McClane.

Sure its fine to watch it if you’re sitting around getting drunk with your pals and it comes on tv, you can own 10 DVD copies of it if you want, you can get a tattoo on your back of all the characters from the movie banging each other in some sort of grotesque Die Harder orgy, you can even have Die Hard 5 reenactments in the parking lot of Buffalo Wild Wings every Wednesday night until the end of time but don’t you try to convince me that its equally as good of a flick as the other Die Hard films and it needs to be included in the Die Hard box set.

Im not saying anything … Im just saying.